The Lady Who Honks (Chapter 2)

Honkler took a deep harsh drag of his cigarette, looking out at the sea of NPC protesters across the street. UC Berkeley, an intellectual wasteland on the edge of nowhere, a place designed for faceless mods repeating the approved talking points of the day and chasing down any dissenting opinions or images. Clowns had long been outlawed in this terrible city and Honkler knew by being here he was in grave danger.

"Down with corporations, up with open borders," chanted the crowd not knowing that they're playing right into the hand of global multinational capital. "Whiteness is a disease! Your capitalism makes us sneeze!"

The clown took a step. *Honkkkkkkkkkk*

The crowd turned around sharply and Honkler froze. "Get him!", screamed a member of the audience. "Nazi clown, shut it down!"

Honkler ran so fast, he disappeared in a flash around the corner. The crowd followed with pitchforks and torches. They stopped abruptly. A helicopter appeared and the clown was behind the wheel. The 'copter was brightly covered with every color of the rainbow. Honkler pulled the trigger and a massive amount of silly strings flew out onto the protesters who became trapped in the colorful goop.

The clown landed the helicopter and exited riding a unicycle juggling bowling pins.

"What? What do you want, evil racist clown?" asked a blue-haired wench trapped in purple and green goop. "Why did you do this to us?"

These punks needed to be taught a lesson and Honkler was just the clown for the job.

"Now, you listen here you delusional Marxist punk," said Honkler grabbing the protester up by the gooey shirt collar. "An important anthropologist Groyper has been kidnapped and may be chemically castrated. I have the soy. Can you tell me where and with whom can I make this trade-off? It's a favor for a cozy fren."

The downed protester thought for a minute before saying, "Die, Nazi clown, scum" and spat in the face of Honkler. The clown froze as spit dribbled down his green face.

"Alright, fren, so if this is how it's going to be," said Honkler as he lifted up the protester with one hand freeing zir from the goo. "You see that sidewalk over there. Bite the curb. Bite it!"

"Wait- what?" said the NPC.

"This isn't a fucking option for you, now go over there and bite the curb," ordered Honkler.

The NPC reluctantly obeyed by getting down on zir knees. Very slowly, zir inched her teeth towards the cement before clamping down on the curb.

**HONK** was the sound the clown made as he pulled out a clown horn from his back pocket. The protester slumped down on the curb and passed out from fear.

FADES TO BLACK

Honkler spent hours walking around that degenerate campus, fitting in with the crowd by wearing a T-shirt that said, "My girlfriend's lover has my other shirt."

The clown stopped at a classroom door that had a flyer taped on it that read, "Castrate The Western Male: A Seminar About Advancing Into The Postmodern Age".

Honkler found a seat at the back of the class while the professor lectured: "Hello, comrades of UC Berkeley. As the orange man has shown us, we can not trust the Western male in guiding the free world. He is a bigoted, backwards brute that must be cowed into submission. One way of doing this is to spay and neuter the males we have and replace them with migrants from the third world. Today, I have brought forth such a specimen that will make your toes curl with toxicity. One moment please."

"What kind of class is this?" asked Honkler to himself.

"Isn't this great? We're learning so much," said an impressionable young student who overheard the clown muttering to himself. "We're enriching ourselves with knowledge and wisdom."

Honkler pulled out a clown horn and honked.  **HONNNKKKKKKK**

"What was that?  What was that?", roared the professor. "Honking is illegal hate speech. Whoever made that honk come forward or I will have to send all the white males in the class to work camps. You have ten seconds. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven."

Honkler looked around the room, but no one was looking back at him. Could he be in the clear?

"Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Alright, all the while males get up for forced labor," said the professor as a dozen policemen with machine guns entered the room and escorted out every white male.

Honkler thanked his lucky stars for his green skin.

"Alright, back to the lesson plan," said the professor. "Today, we're going to castrate a live subject, turning a biological male forever into a transgender female. Our subject is the bigoted Groyper, a hate speech faux-anthropologist who will be making the transition."

Two policemen with machine guns entered the room, wheeling out an object covered in red cloth.

"Be warned," said the professor. "You may become a Nazi just by looking at it."

The professor yanked away the cloth, unveiling the Groyper as the students gasped.

"There he is. Now's my chance," thought Honkler to himself. "I need to make my move now before they turn this cozy fren into a trap."

Honkler stood up on his desk and yelled out, "Stop what you're doing. I have the soy. Let Groyper go!"

TO BE CONTINUED...